ken kingsbury

I ask myself sometimes a very simple question. And yet seemingly very complicated as well. “Why do I play music”? The answer I find is not really that easy to describe. I love music. I feel music. My guitar resonates deep inside me when I play. But I'm also driven in obsessive ways as well. Like there's something inside me wanting to burst out. Something I can almost grab ahold of and yet not quite. I could say I'm almost haunted by the need to be musically expressed. 

Certainly, it is not an easy thing to do to write your own music. I can struggle with lyrics and oftentimes welcome the idea that someone else would contribute their lyrics and or ideas so I can just put them all together and create something hopefully beautiful and satisfying. And yet the struggle also awakens what sits just below the surface. A felt sense of wanting to be seen. Be heard. Be known.

There is a catharsis happening. I know that. Something is wanting to be birthed. And so, I pick up my guitar and put on my two capos that create an open tuning sound and I then let the natural resonance of the strings and wooden acoustic guitar stir the rustlings deep inside of me. 

And as I get older the struggle to find my voice is slowly giving way to a greater joy of sharing my muse. And if there is indeed a second act in life then let it be this. My music. My expression. My joy. My creativity. And if I can touch just one person out there with my expression then maybe that can be enough.

After many hours writing, performing, collaborating, and deliberating I have sent my new project out into the world. And the result has been a range of utter excitement to terrible dread. At times I've let go from all my expectations. Just letting myself be happy that I did it. Then a shift to letting hope and fantasy propel me into the realm of mega success. Asking myself simply 'why not me'? Is it not good material? Are there not people that have heard it and given praise? And then the inevitable comparison of listening to other projects and telling myself, at the very least, it's just as good. It is the artists dilemma.

To share. To release. To put your music out there. Then somehow after all that to just let it go. As if the lesson, the moral of the story, is not clinging to an outcome. As if you shouldn't make a huge push to let the world know. I know this as I have done both. And yes it is a dilemma. I do have a sense of accomplishment. I have taken the steps to share my creativity. That is success. Or is it?

I write this short of my distributed material actually hitting their destination stations. Apple Music, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, and many more. I write this short of whether anyone will actually listen. And, as you might suspect, I still have that hope. That wish my offering will find an audience. At least someone who will appreciate my creative offering. For this moment I will rest in the unknown and feel good I have done what I have said I will do.

k